Even as I watch tonight's performance episode, I can't help but feel a sense of ennui. This season's contestants are so dull. In light of this, as well as the upcoming fall season, I'd like to call for a halt to the auditions. In fact, I think it's time we gave America's dance community a chance to rejuvenate and bring in the All-Stars.
Yes, that's right: I said it. This show needs to bring back some of our favorites from seasons past. It's not like this is
American Idol, where we see our winners soar or sink in the public. Dear Pop Culture demands to know what's happening with the dancers who are doing something other than
Dancing with the Stars.
So, here's my suggestions for the dancers I'd like to see again, keeping in mind that everyone has to be paired with someone of the opposite sex. Oh, and I'm sitting out the winners. Just because I loved you once doesn't mean I need you to come back steal the show (Benji).
Season 3's runner-up Danny is first on the list. He's been gone for much to long, and didn't seem to find himself until the end of his run. Ballroom chick Chelsie Hightower will take a break from
DWTS to spice up Danny's steps and try to create another memorable salsa.
The next male will be season 2's runner-up Travis. He was too phenomenal to be forgotten; so much so that I feel like I should look him up on Twitter right this moment. Cute little Travis will get a cute little mate in b-girl Sara from season 3. Her stuff with Pasha was too good to forget her for an all-star group.
The third man to take his lady will be last season's very Burton-esque Mark. He's so much twisty fun, we couldn't let him sit on the side. Mark's lucky lady will be season 1's jazz-tastic Ashle. Her solos kept her in the game after a ton of crappy partners, so Mark ought to be a breeze for her.
Now, yes, I have called out a lot of contemporary male dancers for my season. Well, season 3's Dominic (now calling himself D-Trix, unfortunately) will break up that trend. Season 1 runner-up Melody will do her very best to make our lone hip hopper stick around. And with her diversity, he's actually got a shot.
If you think I've missed someone, don't call foul yet. Next up is season 1's fastest feet, Artim. Despite his long-time relationship with Carrie Ann Inaba going south, we still love him. Gone-too-soon Allison from season 2 will go step for step with Artim, and they might even be the strongest couple in the bunch, as long as they can avoid krumping.
Artim won't be the only ballroom man to grace our All-Stars though, as Dmitri will return as well. The two of them can have an open-shirt sexy-off and put my wife directly into a pleasure-coma. Sugar-sweet season 4 vet Courtnie Galiano will step up to the plate and try to keep up while not being sexied into submission.
Last season's super-ego Will is going to have to pry Debbie Allen off his junk so he can partner up for with season 2's Sarah Behrnhardt impersonator, Heidi. Her solos are to die for, but lets not forget the beautiful park bench: this girl can adapt.
Finally, putting all of the wanna-be bad boys to shame will be the original, season 1's Blake. It may not be some J-Lo MTV dance life whatever, but he could use the exposure. The only female who might be able to temper Blake's big head is fake-haired Lacey Schwimmer. She'll bring it, and she'll have to if she doesn't want to get stuck in the background.
I'm sure someone's favorite didn't make the cut, but guess what? They stink! Hahah!
Oh, and since we're only featuring the best, Cat Deeley will definitely be on hosting duties. That is all.
Feeling very producer-y,
Patrick James
Topped off by the surprising pick of Family Guy for Best Comedy Series, this should be a very interesting Emmys. I'll spend the entire night just hoping Betty White takes home the guest star prize for "Crazy Witch Lady" on My Name is Earl.
