Dear DTV,

While I appreciate the government making some bizarre attempt to improve the quality of my at-home entertainment, I smell a conspiracy here.

 

I have two TVs in my house: one in my living room with a DVR box attached to it, and another in my bedroom that I use predominantly to watch DVDs and the news as I'm getting ready in the morning.  With DTV rolling in just a short month away, I'll be unable to watch even my local news without some more hardware invading my house.

 

You see, the options seem to be immensely limiting in regards to adjusting to this new technological requirement.  I can either go and buy a converter box, or contact my local cable provider and buy another box from them.  Obviously, the government has conspired with Time Warner to make certain that I pay them an extra $10 for a second DVR box.  I mean, that really is the only option, after all.  Why would anyone go and buy a converter box when you could just extend the cable package you're already got?  Even with the coupons, I'm not remotely interested in putting a big reminder of how old and decrepit my TV is right next to it atop my dresser.

 

So, I hope the Washington bigwigs who decided to meddle in my TV watching life are going to get a cut from the cable companies.  And it better be a sweet cut, too, for all the dough I'm sure they've had to fork out on annoying commercials endlessly reminding me that I'll need another box just to enjoy the news.

 

The real tragedy about the whole conspiracy though is the net result it will have on my free time.  With two DVR boxes in my house, I'll be even more likely to entrench myself in my DVR glut.  Not only can I setup the main box in the living room for my first-rate, must-watch shows like Lost or Heroes, but now I can setup the backup box to record third and fourth shows in an hour, meaning more room for stuff I would otherwise have been able to convince myself to avoid like the ever alluring Dancing with the Stars (guilty pleasure sometimes, just plain annoying always).  So, if I disappear sometime in Febraury never to be seen from again, and wither away into a horrible husk of my former self until I perish in front of a Shear Genius marathon, I want the vigilante justice taken out on the US government.

 

Always an eye on the future,

 

Patrick James